I'm sitting waiting for a new starter to be installed in my car. I am overhearing one of the service managers on the phone speaking sincerely and gently,
saying:
"Sir, what is it that I can help you with?"
I can hear the garble of the person responding.
"Sir, what is it that you need for me to do for you?"
More response.
"Sir, I'm wanting to help you, but I'm not understanding what you are asking
me."
The noise of the surrounding area swallowed up the rest of the conversation.
Let's hope you don't face this on a regular basis. Yet, we can learn something from the lengths this man went to change
this conversation.
"Telling" doesn't get you anywhere
When faced with a perplexing interaction we tend to repeat our point of view. How
many times have you been in a situation you would describe as people talking at each other but getting nowhere?
When I ask ask my coaching clients how to move through a stalemate, they often go on about how wrong their "foe's" perspective is.
I hear, "They just need to understand." When I try to nail them down on how to break the standoff, I still get "Their perspective won't work! I need to find a way to get them to understand ______."
Give that up. That's not
it. You have probably presented it competently and clearly already. Really.
Cultivate curiosity
Learn from the service manager. He's clearly been trained
and has practiced. His inner dialogue probably sounded something like this,
"I don't know why this guy is acting this way. I have no idea what he wants. I don't know why what I'm saying is not landing. I just need to ask."
"I just need to ask"
When you're perplexed at your antagonist's point, an easy way to change the conversation is to ask, "What makes you say that?"
It's so difficult to catch yourself, particularly if you're a little fired up. Next time you notice you're getting stuck, step back and tap into your own curiosity and just ask.
