- He has a behavior or performance issue that is starting to
cause a serious problem.
- Her job is changing and she doesn't have a say.
- You're delivering a performance rating he's not expecting.
Or any number of possibilities... I find my clients' bottom-line
reluctance to deliver the news is that they don't want to make the person feel bad. Understandable.
I hear them offer this way and that way to deliver the message in a way that doesn't make the person feel bad. I've done this myself. You end up talking WAY TOO MUCH to prevent the bad feeling, and the
person in front of you is left bereft. The bad news it not getting any better.
Take your leadership skills to the next level.
This is so common among us human beings -- we can't deal with our own discomfort at causing others discomfort. I think it is one of the biggest mountains to cross to get to the next level of maturity, at work or anywhere else. What's it going to take for us to get comfortable with discomfort?
Three tips to get you through.
I coach my clients to do three things with their employee.
1. Keep your introduction concise -- 2 sentences and a question.
Don't deliver a prolonged introduction. A simple example:
"George, we've talked a few
times about speaking over other at meetings and the impact it has on them. Where do you think you are with that?" [Stop talking.]
Always end with a question. Asking a question helps focus their response.
2. Hold them accountable and demonstrate you are on their side at the same time.
Your conversation should be about a 50/50 mix of this. A sample paragraph may sound like this:
"I know we've talked about this before. I'm willing to continue to work with you to improve. What ideas to you have on where to go from here?"
3. Leave them with hope and action.
As you wrap up the discussion, summarize using hope and action. You want the person to leave feeling encouraged and supported, and with something tangible they can do within the next 24 hours. Your summary could sound something like this (notice 2 sentences and a question):
"George, we talked about different options you could use to adjust this behavior. I'm committed to your success and I'm going to check in with you tomorrow before the end of the day. What do you understand you'll do before then, based on what we talked about today?"
Presumably you two are planning to talk about the first thing he is going
to do to improve the behavior, but you want him to say this. If he doesn't then you know more support is needed. Tell him you'll check in then to nail down what option he wants to choose.
Get comfortable with discomfort.
There is no way around it. You have to strategize to make the best of the situation. I am not suggesting spin. I am suggesting
using a framework to make the best of being on their side and holding them accountable at the same time. The more calm and confident you are, the more likely your employee will respond in kind.
