The secret to ticking people off before you even get started

Published: Mon, 12/29/14

Say this first, to be sure you get
off on the wrong foot.

"I can't help you with that."

Within the last 48 hours people have said this to me four times.  One person 3 times within 60 seconds.

I'm going to make you as miserable as I am.

I called a local tourist attraction asking to make a reservation for an event later in the day.  The very first thing the person who answered the phone said to me was, "I can't help you with that."  She went on to tell me she could transfer me to the reservations line.  When I told her I had already called that number several times and no one answered, she again responded with, "I can't help you with that."  Deep breath, Mary.

She suggested I go online to make a reservation.  I told I had tried that and the website was not cooperating.  Then she said... well, you know.

Indeed, I understand she could not help me with all of those things.  Or maybe she could but didn't want to, or she was too busy.

Here's what I know.  My impression of that organization will be forever tainted by the employee who needed to tell me first and foremost, to not expect anything of her.  Just managing expectations, ma'am.

But even moreso, I was struck by the carelessness in her manner.  She probably gets treated the same way.

"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?”

~ George Eliot

Treating each other humanly.

Recently I had the honor of giving a TEDx talk on just this topic.  (More on this topic and event in the coming months.)  We can be more courteous to each other.  It doesn't take that much effort.

This morning I went to get some medical tests.  As I handed the receiving technician my intake materials she saw my insurance card and said, "Yeah, they won't cover these tests."  Silence.

I had called my insurance company just last week to check if they would pay for tests at this facility.  They said yes.  Facility says no, no way, not today.  Or that's how I heard it.   

Say the most important thing first.

I could have taken the bitter pill of having wasted my time if she had simply started with some version of, "I'm sorry you came all the way here without knowing your insurance wouldn't pay for these tests."  I don't mind being told the facts, but timing is everything.

Putting the human back into human resources.

That was the title of my TEDx talk.  I could have spoken about that part of organizations that handles the people stuff, but the focus of my talk was how we can treat each other more humanly as we interact, especially in the course of our daily jobs, no matter who is in what role.

Will you join me in this humble endeavor to make someone's day better simply by being mindful of what you choose to say first?  Try it and see what happens.

Image of girls laughing: BigStockPhoto
My Best,




About Mary Schaefer: I'm a coach and trainer for managers of people and anyone else committed to their own development and advancement.  My belief is that your key to success is self-empowerment.  Click here to find out more about what I mean by this and what it can mean for you.

Question? Comment? Click reply and let's talk.

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